Marriage Mentoring
*What is a marriage mentor?* “What I need is someone to talk to who has walked down the path I’m just beginning,” said Lisa a few weeks into her new marriage. “Whenever I go to my mom or dad with a situation, they end up being a parent or teaching me something I don’t really need to learn.”
While a mother and father can certainly serve a helpful function in the life of a new bride or groom, they usually cannot offer the distance and objectivity that a mentor gives. For this reason, it is important first to realize exactly what a mentor is not:
- A mentor is not a mother or father.
- A mentor is not a friend.
- A mentor is not “on call” for every little crisis.
- A mentor is not a know-it-all.
- A mentor is not committed long-term.
In addition, the relationship between a mentor couple and newlyweds has a natural cycle of its own, which is not always predictable. Each mentoring relationship takes on its own style and personality. The amount of time couples spend together and the content they discuss can rarely be prescribed. An interesting aspect about marriage mentoring is that it can actually help the mentor couple. “I don’t know how much we helped Doug and Sarah,” Joan told us, “but we sure got a lot out of it.” Joan laughed as she was telling us about being a marriage mentor couple along with Larry, her husband of 18 years. “Helping a young couple seemed to spark a lot of things in our own marriage that we had neglected,” Larry added. Something wonderful happens when a more mature couple reaches out to a new couple. We call it the boomerang effect. By helping another couple form and live out their dreams, one’s own dreams for marriage are reawakened and fulfilled. Once you take the time to listen to a questioning couple, your own “answers” become clearer. You will also be refreshed by this relationship. Almost by osmosis, the vim and vigor for marriage that a new couple enjoys will begin to rub off on you. Simply being around their energetic spirits will revive and rejuvenate your marriage. There is also an overwhelming sense of having done good, of helping a new couple build a love that will last a lifetime. Exerped from an article by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott that first appeared in the November, 1996 issue of Focus on the Family magazine.